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Desire.Used for a reason to escape
The reality of my life
Used for the boost of confidence
That I even barely have
Used for the times I go out
The fun with the guys
Used for a celebration
An occasion I recall
But what has it brought to me?
Nothing but no good.
It used to be the reason to escape
But now it has become my reality
It used to be the reason for confidence
Who am I kidding? It’s a drug
It used to be the reason for fun.
But now I’ve been stained.
It used to be for celebration
Which no longer exist.
I lost track
Of the reason for it
Because its become an excuse
What I’ve used has finally taken over me
The alcohol within my blood.
Distasteful ReminiscingHear the throbbing through the pillow
Beating. beating. beating. beating...
Harder. harder. harder. harder...
Faster. faster. faster. faster...
Itching for way to lay
It against the skin
Slowly down the arm
To where its most sensitive
Coughing out the bad air
That leaves a bad taste in the mouth
Clenching the chest to which it burns
A new reason to go back to temptation
which gives me pleasure
to which gets rid of my pain
The reason which many find
Love is a crazy thing.
KnifeWhen I took the dull knife to cut my skin… I was hesitant.
I took it anyways and went at the back with my phone.
I tried the first cut… but it wasn’t sharp enough.
I knew it wouldn’t have worked.
I tried again
Till I found the tip was sharp enough.
Enough to make a scratch
I run the knife down my hand
Drawing up lines
Pressing till it got red
Till at least
At the end,
I looked in the mirror.
I feel I looked better
I looked at the cuts
That didn’t go deep
Looked like a scratch
But I thought…
It looks so beautiful…
The color of red...
The blood beneath the skin…
I feel better.
I look better.
Now I must hide the beauty that I drew with my knife.
Wishes unforgottenI thought long and hard
What I should say
What I should do
The things I wish Id done
The things I wish I never diid
The things I will do now and forever...
What should I say
What would you say
How you make me feel
How I feel with you
How I feel without you
What will you say
Will you take me back?
Will you forgive me?
Will you change your mind?
I will never give up.
I will never stop loving you.
Night over dayOh the night has come
Soon everyone will be asleep
Itching for it
Waiting for it
Since the days gone by so slow
Nothing was looked forward to
But with nothing comes something
It sets me free
It makes me forget
At least for a sweet
Used for fun
Used for social
now its something that rids of my pain
Or rather amplifies what I didn’t know I felt
Something that helps me voice what is truly felt
Since the day can’t help me
The night has…
And so has the alcohol.
Two faces.Im so unhappy
No one can see.
Im so angry
No one must see.
Im so lost
Someone might see..
What do i do…
Leave she says.
Stay she says.
Run she says.
Fight she says.
Help. I say.
Help. I plead.
Run i do.
Do i fight.
Leave i do.
Do i stay.
One hidden under
The strongest face.
I'm here.She asked me if I was okay.
I just broke.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
I looked down at my hands
My body slouched
And I cried
She looked at me
With concern and worry in her eyes
She held my hand.
Her hand felt rough, cold
And dry at first
But then felt
I felt my heart lift up a little
As she looked at me
Smiled and said
I lay my head onto her shoulder
It was bony. She is so slim.
But even so, I was comfortable.
I felt hope again
I felt things could turn out fine
She will be there for me
To hold my hand
Look at me like I’m special
Smile at me with her eyes and lips
Giving me her warmth
Lending me a listening ear
Not waiting for her turn to speak
But really listen to me.
She showed me light and a path.
And for that
I love her with all my heart.
cicatrix.she bites her lip
to keep in
the words she will not say.
strength demands distance.
they don't tell you this
when you're young,
but sometimes love isn't enough.
sometimes things just don't work-
no matter how hard you try.
sometimes you lose-
you fall on the pavement
and no one catches you.
she had nothing left to give,
so she gave herself a break.
sometimes love can't save you.
sometimes, you have to save yourself.
You're a CageYou're a Cage, mother
and I love you
but I can't handle it,
because every time you tell me you want to die
a part of me dies as well.
Don't you see how it makes me feel?
Of course you don't
because I smile.
I act apathetic.
You're sad enough for the both of us
and I have to be strong because you're not.
I'm not strong either, but I have to be.
Inside, I'm suffering too.
You're a cage, mother.
A cage with a simple lock.
I have the key
but I won't use it.
because you can't live without me
and I love you
even though being around you sometimes
makes me wonder what I'm living for.
You're a cage
that locks away my independence.
I dream of flying, but I can't leave my nest
Your cage is all I've ever known.
Could I even survive on my own?
I love you
but you want to die.
I tiptoe around your sensitivities.
What about me?
What about my life?
I love you, but I just want out of this jail
Within me, is the spirit of a bird
soaring above humans and all their traps and cages,
all their entra
poemhere i lay beside you
gazing upon you bare before me
and in the curves of your body i can see my future unraveling
every pore in your skin a new adventure
every other centimeter calling out
waiting to be touched
and i cannot resist
i cannot withhold
the desire within me
to embark on a voyage through you
filling every crevise
until i can recall each piece of you as if it were my own
and end my journey
resting my head upon the peaks of your breasts
able to hear your heartbeat
like a song that only sounds when we are together
telling us that in this moment
it is only us
and will remain that way forever
Toxic Lovedon't tell me your name,
are like shackles- they bind us together,
and I'm tired of being tied down.
don't give me your hand,
I can walk on my own,
If I can walk fifteen years' worth of steps
I can walk the few to your door
don't hold me close,
your arms are iron bars
and the walls are oh so scarred
I've been stuck in this prison far too long
don't you dare tell me you love me
those words are poisonous
the venom seeps in through my ears
and wraps itself around my ribcage, contracting
A Dreamthere was a dream
I was waiting to sink back into
but I never shut my eyes,
and I drowned
in that dream which turned me blind.
didn't know it was the last time
we'd be waltzing together
spinning on and on
we were sad and we were slow
I watched you go
I let you drip
right out of my arms
SmokeYou smoked, and everyone hated that. The cigarette would hang loose between your knuckles, tendrils of smoke mimicking the tracery of veins and tendons that stood out along the back of your hand. You could do the most graceful French inhales, and sometimes you'd lean in close and grab me and kiss me, blowing warm smoke into my mouth. The scent would always cling to meI'd drag it back home with me and there would always be a fight over it.
You were sparrowlike, all taut pale skin and prominent bones. Your hipbones jutted slightlysharp elbows, sharp knees, a sharp jaw softened by cornsilk hair. When I ran my fingers down your back I could always feel every vertebra in your spine, a steel column anchoring you down. More smoke. More fights at home. You never belonged here and never would.
Lay back. Relax. Anythinganything you want. I'd close my eyes and forget to breathe because I knew you weren't mine. If anything, I was yours, a toy that trembled and kissed back.
and I understand.
I taste stress in your sweat,
tension stretched on the surface,
in the landscape of your
knots in your muscles,
like pearls under
I'll untie the ropes
and kiss the blank
of your broad brow
and I'll write
on my chest,
things like silver lies
and soft secrets,
and wires of frigid truth
because the truth is
so kiss me back,
strike a pose,
be a body
and let our bodies
juxtapose like slow jazz
and your fragile ears.
take a deep breath
of me and
as you tell your
that I miss it too
Sonnet IIIWhat a woeful waste of time she said
As she grimaced at my youthful verse,
Foolish is the work that forgets the purse
For every man ought to earn his bread,
And saying no more she quietly fled
Away from my pen's impalpable curse,
For when my mind in muses did immerse
Alas! I confess she was to me; dead.
While her beauty was still untouched by time,
The years would in time play their timeless part,
And how cruel be I to love her prime
And upon its ruin, listlessly restart,
Instead I dwell upon the ageless rhyme
For this airy heart belongs to the art.
Hell's pressure.When she was alone,
she lost herself.
The same way god lost me.
The putrid ghost,
he murdered her,
and dropped her body in the sea.
I longed and searched for that innocence,
but she was nowhere to be found.
It's almost like my childhood
was pilfered without a sound.
When he dropped her in she struggled,
she fought she cried and screamed.
Alas all good is weak yet lovely.
Alas she is only a long lost dream.
Now they drag my body out of water,
and I feel like I am breathing.
I cut myself on this evil world,
and I cannot halt the bleeding.
It's done with I'm done with I'm sick.
All my faith was washed out at sea.
All alone and in company I lost myself.
The same way your god lost me.
TemptationsI love the way it burns slowly
As you breathe in from the tip
I love the way it feels on your lips
As you squeeze just to breathe
I love the way it makes me feel
The tingle and then calm
I love the way it tastes
When I grasp it with my lips.
But I hate the way its made people
So addictive and so nice
I hate the way it’s made me feel
The after taste of temptation
What tasted so good
Now taste like shit
What felt so good
Now feels like shit
The taste, the feel
The smell of
five.Five is the number of times you worry he’s stopped breathing, as the surgeons carve around his heart, twisting away the plaque ridden arteries, and pulling a vein out of his leg. Five is the number of heart wrenching hours you and your family were waiting in the hospital room, worried that your lives would crumble, that there would be five members of the family instead of six, that five days out of the week he would not come home for dinner, that five kisses from him would no longer be given to his wife and four children. Five was the amount of fingernails you bit off while watching people enter and exit the waiting room, and the amount of minutes your mother spent on the phone, explaining that something was wrong. Five is the critical difference between holding a father’s hand as your mother cries into his heart shaped pillow. The difference between rejoicing and smiling weakly because he’s okay or carrying your father’s American-flag-covered-casket and watchin
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